We are finished with our home study!! YAY!!!
Here are some thoughts on the home study process:It was hard. It was invasive and a bit demoralizing. I'm an open book and probably over share details of my life most of the time. But HAVING to give so many details to someone who HAS THE POWER to tell you that you are not worthy of being parents is HARD. And we know we are worthy. But just accepting that we cannot get pregnant and have our own children is hard enough, having to put ourselves up on a stand and say go ahead "look us over, up and down, poke and prod and dig out our secrets, judge us as hard as you want" so that YOU can decide if we are good enough to be parents. I just don't know what to think about that. I think I started feeling like it's just so unfair that everyone else has a right to get pregnant whether they are fit to parent or not. There are HORRIBLE parents out there and they don't have to go through this rigorous investigation. It's humbling I guess. Actually, humbling is a really good word.
So what's next?The case worker has 30 days to write up our home study. I think I talked about this before that the home study is a document. I never knew that. She has to write up a very detailed report about us and this document is what will be sent to agencies and it's basically our "license" if you will. Once the home study document is finished then we will have it sent to the agencies along with our profile books (which are done!!) and we will start showing our books to expectant mothers. We could be chosen at any time and the baby could be born already or there could be a due date in the near future. We have NO IDEA. I feel like I am pregnant but I do not know when my due date is. It's a really crazy feeling, and to say I feel panicked is an understatement. Everyone says you don't really need much for a newborn, and yea yea I know that. But I'm one of those people that NEEDS to be prepared and ready. And right now I'm not ready, so I'm going into panic mode wanting to read baby books on sleep habits and I'm researching and registering for baby items like its my JOB. I always hear women talk about that nesting phase before the baby comes where they clean and prepare like crazy. I remember watching my sister in law nest before each baby and it was like whoa! I think I'm doing the equivalent. And it's kind of nice! I feel like things are getting real, this is actually going to happen. I am going to be a mother....SOON!
|Trying on our new baby carrier! It's a dream!|
|Starting to collect things slowly|
PRAYER REQUEST:Please pray with us for our precious baby and the mother carrying our child. The realization that our baby is most likely already conceived and growing along is starting to hit hard and I can't stop thinking about it. Our baby is out there. Please pray with us that we find him or her soon and that the mother is filled with so much peace and love and that she has the strength to take care of herself and baby. We love you so much already sweet baby.
Puzzle FundraiserWe still have puzzle pieces left for our puzzle fundraiser. If you feel called to help us financially we would love to include your name on our puzzle! Info is here