Sunday, October 30, 2016

Meeting our expectant mom

I've been taking a while to write this post because I've just been mulling over all of the feelings and keeping them close to my heart. If you missed the story about our being matched with an expectant mother who is pregnant with a baby boy click here.  
We found out about "K" choosing us to be the parents to her baby boy on September 13th and the agency case worker said that K was very anxious to meet us. We were able to fly out to meet her just 3 weeks later on October 3rd. To our surprise, K re-scheduled her doctor appointment so that we could go to it with her. We were SO excited. We met for lunch and it was just a really wonderful time getting to know each other. We all cried a little bit and talked about how incredible this all was and how it felt so meant to be. K was amazing. The flood of love that we both instantly felt for her was really unexpected and profound. We told her how much we wanted to have a relationship with her and how we hoped so much that we could become close and stay close even after the baby is here. We really wanted her to know that we care about HER and not just getting her baby. I used to be so scared of feeling like we were "sharing" someone's baby, but after getting to know her it's could it possibly be any other way? We WANT her to be part of this with us. We WANT her to know that she can always be there for him and love him as much as she wants. She loves this baby so much already and it was so clear how much she cared about him. We feel so honored that she would want us to parent him and our hearts have nothing but gratitude and love for her. After all, it is because of her that we are going to become parents.   At the doctor appointment we were so excited to find out that they were going to do an ultrasound for us and we would get to be there. I've never seen an ultrasound done on a baby before (only my ovaries lol) so it was really mind blowingly cool!! We saw and heard the heartbeat and we saw that he was definitely a boy! It all went really fast and we didn't really get to have a "moment" like I had hoped, but it was still an incredible experience. We got some pictures that are really difficult to read but we don't even care that we don't know what they are pictures of. We love them. We love this baby. We love this mom. We are overflowing with love.
  So now we are just waiting and trying to build our relationship with K as we wait. She is about 29 weeks pregnant now so we still have quite a few weeks left. This waiting has been much more difficult than I expected it to be. When we are busy the time passes by quicker, but on days when we aren't out doing things I can feel anxiety and fear creep in. We fully realize that she can change her mind and parent this baby herself and she has the right to do that. But as time goes on I'm feeling attachment and love for this baby creeping up more than I expected. I'm NOT going to think about how much my heart will hurt if this falls through. I know that God has His hand in this and I'm trying to trust Him more than ever.   
  So in the mean time we are getting ready!! Two of my best friends threw us the most amazing baby shower ever last weekend. It was seriously a dream come true to have a baby shower. For ME! How is this possible? I still can't believe it, that I, Charlotte, am going to be a mother! We are so thankful for everyone who came to celebrate with us and for everything that we got. I think we are totally ready for baby now!    Please continue to pray for us and for K and baby boy. Specifically, pray that we feel peace and can keep trusting and loving to the fullest. For K that she continues to have a healthy pregnancy with as few discomforts as possible and that she continues to feel flooded with peace and love. And for baby boy that he continues to grow strong and healthy.  

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